Who’s scruffy-looking? Apparently about a dozen dark, handsome potential nerf-herders comprise the shortlist to play the young scoundrel in the upcoming Han Solo-focused spinoff film. Variety reported eight names, and I will herein give them choice ranking from least desirable in the role to most.
8. Logan Lerman. Are you kidding me? Percy Jackson? No. This kid belongs in a boy band, not on the Millenium Falcon. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
7. Dave Franco. I dunno. He’s a pretty boy. Too pretty. Like he literally has no scruffiness. It’s also not working in his favor that I’ve only seen him do comedy. And that when I look at him, I see “Baby James Franco.” I will have a hard time accepting him as my freighter-piloting smuggler for these reasons, and he gets the second to last spot.
6. Miles Teller. Teller has the acting chops, and he’s played characters who get by on their charisma and improvisational conning, notably in The Spectacular Now. That said, there’s something too boyish about him. I have a hard time imagining him as a young Han.
5. Jack Reynor. Pro: played Malcolm in the recent film version of Macbeth, so must have some talent, also: Irish. Con: acted in a Transformers movie. Unsure: Looks like Chris Pratt and Nathan Fillion’s lovechild. His face is a bit too round and open, so I wonder if he has any scruff beyond that facial hair. But he’s got the exact right mouth.
4. Emory Cohen. He’s been in some heavy-hitting indie films, suggesting he’s got some acting talent. But what really sells Cohen as a decent choice is the smirk. This is a Han Solo smirk, and I can stand behind it even if the rest of his face isn’t a perfect match. But can he set his face and point intently to show he’s really serious? Hopefully Disney will test that in auditions.
3. Scott Eastwood. Sometimes it’s hard to not look at Scott and just see his dad. But he’s honestly the manliest. The rest of these guys look like babies. Eastwood has the rugged face of an outsider, a guy who rides at his own discretion, in short, a cowboy. And so I could see him as our beloved space cowboy pretty easily. The cock-eyed grin definitely works.
2. Ansel Elgort. Less proven of an actor, but he’s got the eyes, the brow, and the nose. Oh, and the hair. Grow that wave mane out to be shaggier in the back, and this choice has a huge chunk of what would be required. He’s also tall, so standing next to Chewbacca won’t dwarf-size him.
1. Blake Jenner. Um, holy crap. I have never seen this guy before in my life (cut me some slack, I’m well over 30-years old), but one look and I can see he’s perfect. He has the hair, the jaw, the eyes, the nose, the coloring, the smirk. He looks straight out of the 70’s, which is a huge bonus. And he’s sexy. I won’t hold his involvement with Glee against him–instead, I’ll look forward to his upcoming guest star on Supergirl. Disney, don’t be stupid. This is the guy.
The Dinglehopper 